One interesting thing I noticed in the reading from the other night was when Winston mentioned that he believed that he had killed his mother. By his selfishness as a child and his unwillingness to share the little food his mother provided for him, he believed he had caused his mother’s and his sister’s possible death, as they had disappeared one day when he returned home after taking his and his mother’s and sister’s share of a chocolate ration and running away with it so that he could eat it himself. It is clear that he feels guilt about this since “[he] had woken up with his eyes full of tears” (159) after dreaming about it despite the Party’s efforts to prevent him from experiencing such emotions. Why I found this interesting is because it gives the reader a glimpse into Winston’s past which up until this point in the book had been a mystery. Perhaps knowing what Winston has been through as a child, as in having his family taken away, in some part due to his selfishness which he now repents, will give the reader a closer more personal connection to him.
Additionally, knowing this about Winston’s character may the point of some development further in the story. In fact, later on in the reading, Winston and Julia meet with O’Brien and begin their induction into the Brotherhood, and the reason for their decision to see him on that same day may have had something to do with Winston’s guilt about his mother and sister’s deaths, or his anger at the society inspired by his dream about their disappearance. He was possibly reminded of what the society had done to him and convinced himself to take a risk so that he could take action against them, which is interesting.
I find it interesting that Winston's willingness to go along is not entirely external or righteous, that he acts because he bears some level of responsibility for his past. This guilt makes him a believable, fully-realized character rather than simply a "heroic" one.
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